What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Are democrats inherently stupid or just lazy? They can Google " Ohio is investigating reports by residents that migrants are eating the local wildlife " why can't they seem to do the most simple things? Blind, ignorant, stupid or obtuse?

What! how could you do that?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Whenever I write a novel, I struggle with the end, should I make it open? Should the good win or the bad win? Sometime I don't even have an ending, what should I do?

What do you mean son?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

What are LGBT+ people tired of hearing?

Do you know what she said mum?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

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Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

True - how I loved my mum!

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

I told my 13-year-old daughter that she should never start a fight, but has my permission to end it. She got suspended for ending a fight that some other girl picked with her by hitting her then retreating. How do I handle the school’s response?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!